Courtesy of one of my favorite sites tvwithoutpity.com
Celebrity Apprentice may have just ended, but we've come out with our dream cast of B, C and D-listers we'd love to see go head-to-head next season. We've even stuck to Trump's tried-and-true categories of casting, because we're aware that this show will never break out of the mold it has formed for itself. We've also given up the pretense of business acumen actually mattering on this popularity contest, so we've gone for people who will just entertain us with jokes and fights.Playmate/Penthouse Model
Taya ParkerPrevious Celebs in this category:
Tiffany Fallon and Brande RoderickWhy Her:
She's a not only a reality star vet (she "won" Rock of Love, if you consider dating a walking STD "winning") but she's also Penthouse Pet of the Year. Plus, there's absolutely no chemistry between her and Bret, so it is only a matter of time before he sends her packing. Which means this show could help her heal her fake broken heart, just like Dancing With the Stars has done for Melissa Rycroft. Famous For Judging
Steven CojocaruPrevious Celebs in this category:
Piers Morgan and Melissa RiversWhy Him:
Trump loves people who judge others and don't do much else with their lives. He gave Melissa the gentlest ousting ever, and America's Got Talent judge Piers Morgan won this show. But we actually like Cojo, as opposed to Piers and Melissa, and his keen eye for snarking on fashion. Plus, he and the Donald can discuss their bizarre hairstyle choices.
Country Music Star
Dream Celeb: Big Kenny (of Big and Rich)
Previous Celebs in this category: Clint Black and Trace Adkins
Why Him: First, he's got an awesome name and we'd love to hear Donald have to say, "Big Kenny, you're fired." Secondly, his singing partner John Rich (our original choice) seems to have a lot on his plate outside their act (including hosting another reality show) so Big Kenny's probably got a lot of downtime, which means he's available.
Cute Random Female Athlete
Dream Celeb: Danica Patrick
Previous Celebs in this category: Jennie Finch and Natalie Gulbis
Why Her: It wouldn't be a season of The Apprentice if there wasn't a star from a more obscure sport. Sure Jennie was at the top of the softball field and Natalie's an LPGA pro, but that doesn't mean we'd ever heard of them. At least Danica Patrick we're familiar with, even though she's only famous for driving around in circles and looking sexy in GoDaddy commercials.
Male Sports Star
Dream Celeb: Michael Vick
Previous Celebs in this category: Herschel Walker and Lennox Lewis
Why Him: There's got to be a football player or boxer to round out the mix, but Herschel and Lennox were a little low-key. We'd like to see an actual bad boy in this spot, and Michael Vick would be an unpredictable wild card, and it's not like he's working right now. He could even raise money for PETA or something. It's perfect, provide the show doesn't start filming before he gets out of jail.
Dream Celeb: Brian Boitano
Previous Celebs in this category: Nadia Comaneci and Scott Hamilton
Why Him: Following in the grand tradition of gold-medal winning athletes who are way too nice to be on this show comes Brian Boitano. This figure skater seems not to take himself seriously (he even once performed to South Park's irreverent "What Would Brian Boitano Do?") and just generally seems like a good guy. He'll get eaten alive, but it will be fun to watch him try to handle some of the other names. Juggling self-important celebrities is so much harder than a triple axel.
Wild and Crazy Dresser
Dream Celeb: Richard Simmons
Previous Celebs in this category: Gene Simmons and Dennis Rodman
Why Him: He's got his signature look, and that's a selling point in this competition. Gene wore makeup and lots of black leather for years and Rodman has made everything from a wedding dress to bright hair work for him. Richard and his sparkly little hot pants will have his team sweatin' to the oldies in no time. Plus, he's got to be fairly business-savvy in order to have stayed around and still be a known personality for so long.
Famous For Something Strange
Dream Celeb: Kevin Martin
Previous Celebs in this category: Nely Galan and Annie Duke
Why Him: You may not know this, but in the curling world, Kevin Martin (not to be confused with the pro basketball player of the same name) is the bomb. He's one of the most successful curlers in the world and has even parlayed his skill in the sport into a side business selling equipment. Obscure, sure, but we're still not really sure what Nely does, and Annie's only famous if you're in the poker world. So Kevin could fit right in. Oh, and he could probably make a bundle signing basketballs for a charity auction, confusing people who might think it was the NBA star's autograph. It would be just like Kwame all over again!
Dream Celeb: Paulina Porizkova
Previous Celebs in this category: Carol Alt and Claudia Jordan
Why Her: If Paulina can handle the enormous ego that is Tyra Banks, she can definitely handle Trump. She's clearly sick of Tyra's antics, and she's really funny, so it's about time that she jump the Top Model ship. And she'd be way more entertaining than a woman who opens briefcases for a living.
Famous Funny Older Woman
Dream Celeb: Betty White
Previous Celebs in this category: Joan Rivers and Marilu Henner
Why Her: She looks sweet, but have you ever seen Lake Placid? That woman can swear like a sailor when the time comes. I'm sure she'd be much more creative than Joan and come up with nicknames for people that don't involve famous dictators. Plus, she's worked with everyone, so fundraising would be a snap.
Dream Celeb: Henry Rollins
Previous Celebs in this category: Tito Ortiz and Jesse James
Why Him: This former punk rocker looks like a total badass, but he's an activist and is a strong supporter of the troops, so he can't be all bad. We'd love to see this opinionated guy argue with anyone in the boardroom, he's got a way with words and could easily take most of these celebrities down.
Dream Celeb: Coach Ben Wade
Previous Celebs in this category: Omarosa and Khloe Kardashian
Why Him: He'd probably never make it on this show because Trump wouldn't know who he was, but we think if Trump took the time to meet Coach (or as we affectionately refer to him around these parts, Douche) he'd realize that they are truly birds of a feather. Coach can embellish any story to the nth degree and dubbed himself "the dragon slayer." Though it is possible that Trump would be jealous of someone who can blatantly turn facts into fiction in even more grandiose ways than he's tried.
Dream Celeb: Gary Busey
Previous Celebs in this category: Andrew Dice Clay and Stephen Baldwin
Why Him: There's always got to be one celebrity who's just there to push people's buttons, and for next season, we'd like that guy to be Gary Busey. His stints on Celebrity Rehab have shown that he's certainly unpredictable and would give his project manager a run for their money. Which is really all he'd need to do, since there is absolutely no chance in hell he'd ever be able to pull it together long enough to win a show like this.
Dream Celeb: Nick Lachey
Previous Celebs in this category: Brian McKnight
Why Him: He's busy producing shows and pursuing a solo career and whatnot, but we'd like to see this former Newlywed return to the world of reality television. If he can deal with Jessica (and Joe!) Simpson, he can surely deal with the likes of these faux-lebrities.
Dream Celeb: Jewel
Previous Celebs in this category: Tionne "T-Boz" Watkins
Why Her: She got injured before she could extend her 15 minutes of fame on Dancing With the Stars, so she's probably itching for another has-been show to revive her career on. Why not this one? And halfway through the season Trump could discover that she'd once been homeless and fire her out of the blue, because homeless people freak him out, or she could win because he'd find her story inspiring. Either way.
Nutty, Funny Guy
Dream Celeb: Weird Al
Previous Celebs in this category: Vincent Pastore and Tom Green
Why Him: Vincent wasn't a comedian in the strict sense of the word, but he and Tom Green seemed game to have a little bit of fun with the tasks, which sort of came across as slacking. Weird Al might irritate his fellow players if he starts out with song parodies, but they'll surely want to keep him around for the inevitable jingle-writing competition. He'd have that one in the bag.
Any opinions on this list? How about additions or subtractions...I would love to Andy Dick ahead of Garry Busey and Kathy Griffin replace Betty White.