AI: Top 16

Snagged this from VFTW. Andrew Garcia, Alex Lambert and Lee DeWyze break the rules a bit for making this youtube thanking viewers for votes. According to VFTW, the vid was taken down from youtube as fast as it was posted, but they salvaged it from a follower of theirs.

Final 8 Girls - "You Sucked... The Life Out of the Room"

Posted by Professor Chan on Wednesday, March 10, 2010 at 2:59 AM EST


We have some classic Idol trademark sexually confused humor to start the show as Ellen sits in Simon's lap and pretends to be aroused. Yeah, we're back to the Bad Old Idol and it feels so familiar and cozy... like Kara's leathery hooha. Anything that mocks Kara in her face without her knowing it is pretty funny, like her credibility-killing bikini girl embarrassment moment from last season's finale.

Then the rest of the show happened. If you like boring mid-tempo ballads from the '60s and '70s, and '30s, then you were like a pig in mud tonight. If you enjoy contemporary artists doing something interesting and different, then you're S.O.L.

The judges continue spewing their contradictory advice, and Simon is in full-on pimp mode for his favorites, ignoring a pretty nice Siobhan performance to gush about Didi Plant-ami's tepid Fleetwood Mac re-hash.

Yeah, that's Idol this season. And I have no doubt tomorrow's boy's performances will be awful in new, horrifyingly dull ways.

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Katie Stevens -- "Breakaway" by Kelly Clarkson - 2004.

Katie gets caught off guard as the show starts her song before she's ready. She can't really catch up after that and she sounds tentative and flat throughout the song.

Katie proves why the Idols shouldn't choose something contemporary. The judges savage everything from her earnestly cheesy stage presence, her goofy pants and her naive lack of self-awareness. Oh, wait, that was me. Katie completely misses the point that you can't start off an Idol episode with a dreary mid-tempo ballad without drawing the scorn and ridicule form the judges. It didn't help that the producers layered on the cheese with a 1970's telethon performance-style split-screen montage and treacly, thin backing music.

Ellen correctly suggests that the lyrics of these songs actually have some meaning and it might be a good idea to figure out what that meaning is before performing the song.

Kara bitches: "You don't know who you are yet..." Whereas I know I'm the resident bitter old cougar.
Simon quips "You sucked... The energy right out of the room." Sometimes Simon is doubly right.

D -- It was contemporary, and Katie goes down the list of ways she sucked up to the judges and took their bad advice. But she's still missing the point that it was still a dreary ballad, off-key ballad to start the show. And one thing that will draw the judge's wrath is to butcher Idol Patron Saint Clarkson's songs.
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Siobhan Magnus -- "House of the Rising Sun", credited to "The Animals" from 1964... but the song is so old it's in the goddamn public domain.

Siobhan dedicates the song about becoming a hooker to her dad, who is trying hard to be Brian Johnson from AC/DC.


To be fair Siobhan sings the male version of the song, so she's a boy who hangs out in whorehouses, and not an actual hooker herself. I'm guessing Siobhan's dad either is a closet Worster or he wants Siobhan to go home.

Siobhan actually does a good job with the song, defying the odds. She can sing and has a pretty voice. But she also makes great
furious faces while singing.

Simon is baffled: "It's all a bit weird." So you haven't been watching your own damn show, Simon. As Siobhan is the wacky girl who wears Aladdin vests and doesn't know what a "dark horse" is.

A -- If Siobhan was a worse singer she'd be our Worst, easily.
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Lacey Brown -- "The Story by Brandy Carlisle -- 2007

Lacey sings the OTHER contemporary song that gets savaged by the judges. She gets off to shaky start but picks it up and sings it quite nicely. She injects her odd personality into the song and basically does everything the judges tell her to do, and they hate it.

B -- If Lacey sticks around she might get a shot to be our Worst.
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Katelyn Epperly -- "I Feel The Earth Move." By Carol King -- 1971

In a failed attempt at not being "cheesy" she naturally goes with a Carol King curly blonde fro and over-all skirt and plays a barely audible organ, in an extra cheesy of the almost 40 year old song.

The song was not badly sung, just over the top and old-fashioned.

D -- The sad thing is Katelyn would've been okay with any other Carol King song.
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Didi Plant-ami -- "Rhiannon" by Fleetwood Mac -- 1975

The Idol producers go back to the 70's public television montage again. Didi does her very best to remind everyone of Brooke White, as she sings a song Brooke recorded. Didi does a decent job singing the song, but if you bore someone with a two minute version of a song, then you are a bad performer. It was Kara's favorite performance of the night (of course, because either A) She has no taste, or B) the Producers told her it was time to be a homer to the Plant to keep her around for the Finals.

GRADE: C+ == Didi cries some more, of course.

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Paige Miles - "Smile" by Charlie Chaplin -- 1936.

Paige takes the bittersweet song that's already been over-played on Idol and turns it into a dreary ballad, full of bum notes and quivering vocals. She wears a skirt that doesn't fit her, and sounds like she's going to cry throughout the song. And then does some Mariah Carey vocal runs all over the poor, innocent song to kill it dead.

Then to explain why she nearly broke into a teary-eyed imitation of Didi Benami, she explains because Michael Jackson sang the song. What?

D -- Come on Paige, it's like you WANTED to go home. At least blame your dog dying or your mom getting terminal conjunctivitis for your weepy performance.
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Crystal Bowersox -- "Give Me One Reason" Tracy Chapman from 1989 or 1995. So it's only 15 years old.

Looks like Crystal's back on the chaw as it looks like she's trying to reverse her teeth whitening. Good for her. I like a natural girl. She gives an album-ready performance of the song but didn't impress as much as last week. She's Simon and the Idol Producers' anointed Winner of Idol Season 9 and the judges gush over her, and she's given the runner-up pimp slot. So she must be doing something right.

B -- She showed more of her gap-toothed grin that makes me fall in love with her all over again.
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Lilly Scott -- "I Fall to Pieces" by Patsy Cline -- 1961, so the song is nearly 50 years old.

Lilly Scott is smart. She goes for the country vote, busting out the Patsy Cline and a ukulele (I know it's a mandolin but Uke's are funnier.)

Lilly's version is whimsier and spelled with a capital Q for "Quirky." She sounds exactly like Zooey Deschanel, so I'm guessing that's whose youtube videos she's watching. Her performance is decent, but lacking in displays of musicality and any reason to vote for her.

C+ -- Lilly sings the song fine, but we've come to expect a little extra oomph from the pimp slot. Not a quickly tossed off B-side piffle performance.
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So that is that. We've anointed Paige the new VFTW Heir and I wholeheartedly endorse her as our candidate. Hopefully she's nervous and over-emotional next week in the Finals, and maybe sasses the judges a little. We love that.
I would be amused if Katelyn Epperly goes home, because I enjoy when talented singers are booted too soon.

So, what do you think? Is Idol back on the tracks or is this show irrevocably broken? And does the Producers blatant endorsement for Bowersox kind of end any shred of intrigue left in this season, like a baseball team being 20 games back before the All-Star break?

--Chan

Top 16 Girls Recap - Chicken, Beef, and Shrimp Watch American Lullaby

Posted by thefunnystone on Tuesday, March 09, 2010 at 11:59 PM EST


To pay tribute to the most boring episode of Idol yet where just about every girl picked the slowest song they could, I’ve decide to write my most boring recap yet. Honestly though, you couldn’t make this shit entertaining no matter who was writing about it. So read on if you dare. But don’t say I didn’t warn you; you might spontaneously fall asleep from reading about what a boring show American Lullaby, I mean Idol, was tonight.



Katie sings “Breakaway”, but it’s terribly off key. Her confidence just seems to be going, because this is by far the worst she’s ever sounded. She’s screaming off key, can’t find the beat, and is just overall very awkward and bad. Randy calls “Breakaway” one of his favorite songs ever and said this was just a karaoke version. Well, yeah. Simon says that Katie must be confused because she’s trying to be young like the judges ask her to be, but she still isn’t doing well. He says she sucked the energy out of the song. Katie tells Ryan that she picked the song because she wants to break away from her small town. Good job, Katie, now not even your small town will vote for you. Can’t say I’m sad though, because maybe she’ll go home instead of the VFTW pick. Or if she makes it, she could even be the VFTW pick. This girl just doesn’t seem to have a clue.


Siobhan Magnus sings “House of the Rising Sun.” It’s decent but it’s not at all current. Siobhan’s voice isn’t really that great, but it seems great since everyone here sucks so bad. Funny how that works. Randy says that Siobhan doesn’t listen to the judges at all and that she should keep doing that because it’s hot. Agreed. Listening to the judges is stupid. Right, Michelle Delamor? Simon wasn’t as big of a fan, calling it weird, boring, and dark. Hopefully the judges eventually all turn on Siobhan, because her strange personality and faces would make her a great VFTW pick in the future.


Lacey Brown chooses “The Story” and it‘s surprisingly decent. Lacey chose well by sitting in one place to minimize how awkward she looks walking around the stage. Compared to past performances, this is a masterpiece. But overall, it’s just average. Randy calls it sleepy. Simon says that it sounded like the performance could’ve been on the radio, but it may be forgotten. I wish I could forget this entire show.


Katelyn Epperly picks the only song with a pulse, “I Feel the Earth Move.” She’s not good and seems bored with herself. She also can’t dress very well. I do like the rasp in her voice, but man she’s doing nothing to secure votes for average viewers or VFTW viewers. It’s like she doesn’t even know she’s on TV. I do enjoy the stupid faces though. Ellen says it wasn’t enough and Kara says it felt like Katelyn was going through the motions rather than competing. Maybe Katelyn finally realized she was being made into a laughing stock by appearing on a TV show with a group of no-talent singers. It’s possible.


Didi Benami sings “Rhiannon” and decides to strip it down to the point where it’s incredibly boring. I’m sensing a theme here. At least Didi makes stupid faces when she sings. Whose are better, Katelyn or Didi? I honestly don’t care because I am so bored. Kara calls the performance one of her favorite moments so far this season. It ranks just behind being used as a cumrag for Casey James. Simon says that Didi proved she was an artist and he admires that she came back and performed well after being mauled last week. I think the judges just want to build her up again so they can sneak attack and insult her so bad one day that she breaks down crying on stage. I’m cool with that.


Paige Miles does VFTW proud with her version of “Smile.” The voice is shaky, she can’t stay on the admittedly weird bossa nova beat, and she can’t seem to find the key. This is one of the worst vocals we’ve heard in the past few weeks, and that’s saying something. VFTW Victory! Randy says this is one of his favorite songs ever (what are the odds? 2 of Randy’s favorite songs tonight. Why not add in “Who Let the Dogs Out” and we’ll be 3 for 3?). Randy also says it reminded him to ask the judges if they’re having the chicken, beef, or shrimp. He’s not referring to being at a dinner party, those are his nicknames for the judges. Chicken for Ellen because of her waddly, gross looking neck. Beef for Simon because his manboobs are barely being contained inside his t-shirts. And shrimp for Kara because she smells like something that came out of the water and was caught in a net yesterday. Kara says the song was all wrong. Simon calls the arrangement of the song “awful Holiday Inn 1974” and that normally people are at the bar eating peanuts during a performance like that. He tells Paige, “I think this could be the end of the road.” It probably is, but hopefully VFTW voters who are reading this are plugging away and voting for Paige nonstop to try to help save her to warble again.


Crystal Bowersox’s version of “Give Me One Reason” is okay but not as good as she was last week. She’s got a decent voice, but it’s not as great as the judges would like me to think it is. But hey, the dirty hippie thing will be funny during the Whitney Houston theme week, so Crystal doesn’t bug me yet. She seems like a nice enough person despite the super pimpage. Ellen wants to come up with new adjectives for Crystal because she’s tired of saying “amazing.” How about contaminated, unhygienic, and disheveled? Those are new. Kara called the song choice contemporary. How is a 15 year old song “contemporary?” Here are some adjectives that describe Kara: clueless, ignorant, and simpleminded. Simon calls the competition Crystal’s to lose. Oh she’ll lose. I’m not sure to who yet, but I’m sure the Idol execs aren’t looking to sign a street musician to a major label. Then again, they did sign Taylor Hicks. So we’ll see what happens.


Finally, Lilly Scott closes the show with “I Fall to Pieces.” Lilly is consistently off key and terrible sounding, but the judges don’t seem to notice this. Her performances for the past 2 weeks have been pretty hard to listen to. But hey, if the judges love her, it just gives us a VFTW backup. Lilly is quirky, not nearly as boring as the others, rearranges songs to weird them out, and doesn’t sing all that well. Sounds like a good person to have in the top 12 to me. Kara says that Patsy Cline felt current to her while listening to the song. Since we all know Kara has no idea what current is, I’m imagining Kara writing Lilly a current song with guest stars Hanson and Los Del Rio. Hey Macarena! Simon calls Lilly brave for choosing the song, because it didn’t have the wow factor and it may have been a risk that won’t pay off. Eh, the pimp spot will save her no matter what.

So is Paige gone? If the Worsters didn’t vote hard enough, yep. But I have faith. Worsters, you need to do us proud. But with a 2 in 8 shot of going home, that translates to Paige only having a 75% chance of staying in the competition. That’s not big. Hopefully we saved Paige. Katie is probably a goner, and I’ll guess that Katelyn fails to connect with the audience as well. I’d much rather see Didi go home and have a breakdown or Crystal go home and watch the judges get pissed off. But I’m realistic.

Katie Stevens - She needs to go. Unfortunately she will probably won't be one of the ones going home this week.

Siobhan Magnus - I really liked her singing this song and I was surprised Simon was so harsh on her yet praised others who I didn't see as being deserving of praise. She's quirky but I like her.

Lacey Brown - I thought she sounded good, good enough to not be voted off this week.

Katelyn Epperly - I found it interesting she was trying not to be cheesey this week yet chooses a Carole King song, and one of the cheesiest Carole King songs. I hated it. I just don't get it when they choose these old lame songs. I agreed with Kara that it just seemed like Katelynn was just going through the motions of singing and not really there to win anyone over.

Didi Benami - I love the song but thought she was pretty mediocre at singing it. Go figure the judges praised her!

Paige Miles - She sucked. She really didn't do the song justice. If you ever heard Michael Jackson sing this song nobody else compares or should even attempt to sing it. Fail for Paige.

Crystal Bowersox - She really did a good job. I agree with Simon she may be the one to beat. She has a Melissa Etheridge/Janice Joplin type style that I like.

Lilly Scott - She's odd but there is something I do like about her. It'll be intersting to see how well she and Crystal Bowersox fairs with American Idol's silly theme weeks, especially pop.

I think based off last nights performances Katie Stevens, Katelyn Epperly and Paige Miles will be in trouble or at least should be in trouble.

Well I watched AI last night mostly because there was nothing else on. I am just lost this year and totally confused by the judges. When I think someone was good, they hate them and vice versa. The only one we seem to agree on is Crystal Bowersox, she seems to have it all over everyone..I guess. I like that Siobhan chick. She sings really really well but she better spice things up because she is mostly boring...too bad cuz she has talent.

The girl who sang "Smile". Was it jaw dropping? no but did it deserve the crucification she deserved? That would also be no. Like I said, I dont get it. It wasnt that bad for crying out loud and then they turn around and slobber all over dishwater hair Lilly after she BUTCHERED Patsy Cline. Go figure. This season is all but over for me and I could care less who wins as they probably will be forgotten quicker than the guy who used to host AI with Ryan. I will watch the guys tonight and see if by some chance I can find someone to root for again. If not....who cares?

1. Lee <3
2. Aaron
3. Tim
4. Casey

5. Alex

6. Todrick
7. Andrew
8. Michael

Michael is your number 8????? interesting.

OK, Kara must die. Why in Gods name was she crying?? She is just repulsive and makes me want to barf.

Lee - was good, nothing special but good enough to safe him tonight.

Alex - Boring. Love the song.

Tim - Boring. Love the song.

Andrew - I was rooting for him when he did Paula's Straight Up, now he's becoming a joke.

Casey - sang it ok, nothing special ... overall boring.

Aaron - ugh! I can't stand this fucking kid. He reminds me so much of Kevin Covias and David Archuletta... hmmm.. gee I wonder what ever could it be?

Todrick - Much better than the past 2 weeks of garbage, but may not be enough to save his ass.

Michael - I seriously had to rewind and watch his performance again because I was so perplexed as to why the fuck Kara was crying? And I still don't get it. She needs to get laid badly, it's getting ridiculous. Ok, I said before that Kara didn't bother me much but I take it all back. Since saying that just about everything she does is on my last nerve.

Aaron and Andrew should go home. But it will probably be Todrick and Tim


Hey Colton, I noticed your bottom 3 has a common denominator lol